Just a Little While Longer

I wish I knew the reason that time seems to pass so quickly, yet drags by so slowly, all at the same time. In retrospect, I have looked back at my life, and I can't believe that I am 30 years old. I can't believe that Bryan and I have been married for 10 years in December. Where has the time gone? Where? I remember, vividly, my Daddy saying to me as I was about to walk into the glass double doors at Seminole County High School for the first day of high school, "Don't blink, or you'll miss it." My daddy usually doesn't say much, but when he does I listen closely. I remember those words, and I think of them often.

I'm sure at some point in our lives we all have wanted to see our future. Perhaps even to see a glimpse into our lives in a distant 15 or even 50 years. Where would I live? Who did I marry? How many kids did I have? What was my occupation? What accomplishments have I achieved? But, if we knew, would we be bold enough to accept it? Would we be satisfied? Would we be able to sit back and enjoy every second?

If a 10 year old me sat down and imagined my future, it would be vastly different from my reality. It would probably be something that included being a groupie for N'Sync or having a record deal for my own album while living abroad in Italy or Paris. Sounds peachy, right?

My reality is nothing like I imagined it. If I had to choose, I wouldn't have been a stay home mom. If I had to choose, I'd have a booming career as a writer. If I had to choose, I wouldn't have any children. If I had to choose, I wouldn't live in Alabama. If I had to choose, I wouldn't have had to endure this infertility journey.

But it hasn't been my choice. It was God's choice. I'm so glad I followed Him.

Before Bryan and I got married, we discussed having children. Mind you, I was in college and I wanted a career. Kids were okay, but only one or two, and the later we had them the better. He always wanted a big family. I did not.

Fast forward a few years. God had softened my heart and the desire for children was becoming something I could not ignore. We began our infertility journey in 2007. It's been hard. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it has also been a path that has had so much joy.

God had grace and mercy on us and we were able to have an amazing daughter. I'm so glad she came into my life and made me a mom. I'm so glad that I look into her eyes and see myself. I'm so glad that I have been able to watch her grow and learn over the past 8 years. God knew my heart and he knew that she was exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it. I'm so glad Bryan has been by my side through it all, too. After Leah was born, our desires changed, and I became a stay home mom, by choice.

We've had some difficult moments since Leah was born. But we have tried to remain faithful to Him and through that He has been gracious to us.

Here we are, going through this infertility thing. Its hard to be grateful for something that has caused us such pain and anguish. But over the past year, I have become thankful for this detour in our lives. I'm thankful because it has led us to adoption. More specifically Embryo Adoption.

We are exactly 12 days from our transfer. September 20 is the date. I've had to endure shots, pills, being poked and prodded, sleeplessness, headaches, tears, mood swings, night sweats, and pure exhaustion. But in 12 days, all of that will be worth it. Yes, there is a chance it won't work. But my God is bigger than that and we are expecting positive results.

We have an amazing embryo donor family. We have raised nearly $10,000 to cover our costs. All of my labs and ultrasounds have been on track. The answer to our prayer for more children has come in a very unorthodox way, but it is so close. So, its just a little while longer before we hold our baby.

Please pray for us.

Just a little while longer.