Bryan's Story
A few weeks ago I asked Bryan if he would write a blog post about how he has felt during our infertility struggles. I thought it would be good for people to hear how he has dealt with it. He kind of looked at me confused and said "I don't know how to write like that." A few weeks later, however, he asked me to read something on his phone. He had been working on a post for a while. I hope you take time to read it. I'm proud of him for putting it all together. I couldn't imagine going through these struggles with anyone else by my side. Bryan has seen the good, bad, and the ugly. He is truly my strength and encourager and greatest supporter when the hard days seemed to take over. I love you, Bryan. Thank you for sharing your side of the story. I can't wait to see where our journey takes us!
-Whitney
Bryan's Story
So, my wife wanted me to write a blog about how it is on my side of infertility and adoption. Honestly, it's difficult, but I've always supported my wife and tried to stay positive with every test. There were times when I would get so mad at her and I'm sure she remembers every time. Her being upset made me upset and in a bad mood because I couldn't fix the problem. I tried not to let it happen but it never failed and anger took over. Sometimes I would ask "Why? Why, God, can't we get pregnant?" I would often think I was the problem, too. I would ask "Are we not serving God or following God's will for our lives?" We didn't understand, but we relied on God, he knew what he was doing.
I know she constantly thinks about it. I can remember calling her on my lunch breaks and I could hear it in her voice that she was upset. She had thought about it all day to the point of crying. Many of her friends were expecting which made it harder. I remember a particularly bad day my wife had. She had thought about our infertility struggles all day and she was very upset. I probed her with questions. "What's wrong?" "Why are you crying?" We finally talked and I told her that we just had to pray and trust in God. With tears in her eyes she would look at me with disgust. I asked her "Are you mad at God?" She said, "Yes, I'm angry that we can't get pregnant. Why would God do this?" I quoted my favorite bible verse to her. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6. I prayed that God would give us peace in our hearts.
I remember talking to my brother about the situation and he would say "Ya'll just need to be content with Leah." I would ask him to pray for us, but all I could think was "How can he tell us to be content?, He's got five kids, what does he know about being content?" We love Leah and she is such a blessing to us. I thank God daily for Leah. But why would God give us the desire for more children and not fulfill that desire? It's hard when you want something so badly and you see a negative on every test.
During our infertility medication cycles I would tell Whitney to take a pregnancy test but she would just say "What's the point?" I would tell her "We just have to pray and have faith in God." But it was like she already knew the test was going to be negative. Sometimes I didn't know what to say or how to comfort her.
We had talked about adoption off and on for a while. Whitney would just say "it's just so expensive." I agreed and we would forget about it for a while. I think we were both holding on to having a baby of our own. We have been praying and trying for 6 years. I realized and asked myself "Was God not answering our prayers for a biological child because he wanted us to adopt?" "Does God have a child that needs to be raised in a Christian home?" As we sought God about adoption, it became clear that God wanted us to adopt. Whitney and I prayed about embryo adoption and talked to our pastor about it. He told us there were no clear bible verses on the matter, but then said "Yes it is in the Bible. What about Jesus?" Jesus wasn't biologically related to Joseph or Mary. That was our confirmation. We believe that this is the path that God has for us.
We have started the process of embryo adoption. We have paid our application fee and the next process will be the home study. We still believe that God can work miracles and will give us another biological child one day, but right now he has a child for us to adopt. Please pray with us as we continue this journey that God has laid on our hearts.
-Bryan
I just wanted to give an update on our fundraisers. We are still having the yard sale in Donalsonville at the Nazarene church on Friday, October 2 and Saturday, October 3 @7am. We have had SO many people donate stuff and we feel like it is going to be an awesome yard sale! If you're in the Donalsonville area, please share and stop by!
We will also be having another yard sale at our home in Phenix City as well as one in Midland (Richarad and Amy's home) within the next month. Please look for those details soon.
We still have our "You Caring" page active for monitary donations. Here is the link for that :
https://www.youcaring.com/search/go?w=whitney+and+bryan+miller
But most of all we covet your prayers. Thanks for reading!
-Whitney