Becoming An Open Book
I've only recently became open about my disease. A few family members knew, a few close friends knew, but other than the occasional "awareness" post on facebook, I've been pretty quiet about it. You may say, "Oh, PCOS is just a infertility diesase." I wish that were all it was.
I have a sense of humor that is quite sarcastic. I know that's not always a good thing, but hey, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. That's how I get by. And God's grace, of course.
Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. The basic definition is exactly like it sounds. I have lots of cysts on my ovaries. The cysts cause lots of other symptoms that are gross, hard to live with, and just depressing. Irregular menstrual cycles (which causes infertility due to not ovulating), weight gain, raging hormones, hair loss, hair growth, acne, oily skin, dry skin, etc. Those are just a few. All of those symptoms packed into one package is a recipe for disaster. Which is what I feel like most days.
You can use Google to get a list of symptoms, but I'm going to tell you what it's really like. A "day in the life" perspective, if you will.
My alarm goes off at 7:15, 7:30, and 7:45. All snoozed. I can barely move my legs because my knees hurt. I can't feel my left arm because its asleep. "Just 10 more minutes", I think. At 9:00 am, Leah comes and wakes me up and I realize I've slept in. I drag myself out of bed, fix her breakfast, and sit on the couch for 30 minutes. Contemplating going back to bed or just taking a small nap. I have to force myself up and wash a load of clothes, make the bed, load the dishwasher, and fold the pile of laundry that has been sitting in my bedroom for three days. I sit down on the couch for a minute, nearly falling asleep. I have to make myself go to the school room to work for a while. While Leah watches a movie, or plays with her toys, I work until lunch time. I fix lunch, eat, and drag myself to take a shower. Usually, I feel better after that. Perhaps I should shower first thing in the morning. Anyways, I either go back to working or do more chores around the house until Bryan gets home.
I tell him how tired I am, and I know he thinks, "You can't be that tired, you didn't do much today." He is truly my hero. He gets up every day at 3:30 and doesn't go to bed until midnight and he doesn't complain about it. I'm so thankful that God changed my heart and gave me the desire for children and to stay at home. I'm not sure if I could function in a normal job.
Anyways, after I manage to work all afternoon and cook supper, my body hurts. My back and my legs ache. I crave sleep. When we go to bed I try hard to sleep. But I can't. I often lay awake thinking about all of the things I didn't accomplish, the adoption, if Leah is asleep, the list of things I need to do, long term plans, etc. It leads to a mild panic attack. At 2:00 am I eventually take sleeping medication so I can go to sleep. And the cycle continues.
I've tried every diet, pill, exercise program, EVERYTHING and I can't lose weight. My hair is falling out. I'm nearly bald on the top of my head. I constantly worry that someone will see it. I have special "hair fiber" spray that I use to hide it. On the other hand, I have to shave my legs everyday because the hair grows so fast. If I could just swap those two things around, that would be great. I have these dusgusting skin tags. I have panic attacks. I have mood swings.
I just want to be normal.
Not every day is like this. But most are. I get bursts of good days, then I'll have a bad week. I've even gone a few months of good days, then I crash. I'm not sure what the recipe is for the good days, but I wish I did. All this to say, I'm not an easy person to live with. As I've gotten older, the symptoms have gotten worse. But I deal with it.
There is no cure. There is no miracle pill. Just life. I'm not telling you this so you'll feel sorry for me, but I just feel like its one of those things that gets passed off as "No big deal". It is a big deal. Its my life, everyday.
In other news, the yard sale in Donalsonville has been postponed until further notice. There was a scheduling conflict with the church schedule. Hopefully we will find a suitable date soon.
We are looking into some grants and other fundraisers that will help us along. As far as the process is considered, we are at a stand still until we raise the $600. So far, we have had 1 donation of $100 and we have had many things donated to sell. Please pray for us as we push forward. We appreciate all of the prayers and support so far!
Our YouCaring fundraiser page is still active. Please share the link.
http://www.youcaring.com/my-fundraisers.aspx
We love you all!
-Whitney